Masochist - The body in which the head is detached.



Kumar was always demanding from the body, his body. He drove it through fast cars, alcohol, drugs and sex.
Mr. Patel  knew of his escapes but kept quiet for Kumar's running the office was more than perfect. He was also fine with Rose not disturbing him.
"Is he developing his body or destroying it?" Mr. Patel one night after a couple of drinks thought aloud to his wife.
"ha ha, he swims in your soul dear, why does it bother you?, anyways Rose is leaving for Beirut next week."

The beginning of seventies was changing the streets of Beirut. Skepticism ruled the man on the street. Kumar too felt the heat as sales dipped. He use to come home early to only find Rose slashed, drunk crazy.

The telegram announced Mr. Patel's death, a massive heart attack he suffered in the bathroom while he showered, the office and shop were closed for the first time in four years.

"He has no head Mom, only a body that demanded sex all the time, if I was drunk he used to leave me alone, but then offlate he used to rape me." 

" You walk out on him Rose?"

No, I see my body as a thing too now mom, addicted to his dangerous moves."

Mrs.Patel was very sick now and Rose pushed her frailty through her talks. She wished to be left alone and thought if Rose was driving herself to madness who was to stop her.
The extreme entertainment finally got the universe to plant a story in her womb. She hid it from Kumar till she knew she  had developed cancer.
Kumar took both the news with the closure of his first office because of violence on the streets of Lebanon with more liquor. He pushed himself harder, the fire burned like hell in him, swimming in the success of business.
The fishes in Rose swam dead.
Megha was born to a very sick and spiritual Rose. She was sad and yet connected to Megha in the Gulf of Mexico.
Megha never understood the bald head of Rose, she was asking questions to God in her diary.

Healers - A million prayers brings one to you too.

Ignorance -    One can live of it by choice.

Lebanon had always fired Rose's father Mr. Patel's imagination since 58'. Beirut was always talked about in his circles. His present offices could not offer him the luxury to start something there. The 60's was very vibrant for Beirut. He made a lot of tours there with young Rose, who fell in love with French there. Mr. Patel was in love with the heaven called Paris of the middle-east.

It was by 65' by which Mr. Patel got a shot at his fixation to own an outlet there. As Kumar left for his honey moon to the Swiss, he left for Lebanon.

Kumar was late again, his flight to Lebanon was at 12 noon, he would meet Mr. Patel there. Rose wanted to stay back as their  two month long honey moon had exhausted her nd she had to get back to her friends, so it was Kumar flying alone to his first ever job, his first ever office to be run by him alone.

The overwhelming humidity of August made Kumar remember Porbunder and the first night of his in Beirut was spent in flashes of his journey from a small sleepy town to a fashionable, fast moving and a very friendly city.

He picked up Arabic and french in no time and his letters to Rose were now in french asking her to join him soon. He could work without taking a break Mr. Patel had claimed proudly and this had disappointed Rose a lot, she was now in no mood to go. Rose's mother did know of their violent fights during the honey moon as they stayed in a friend's chalet there. She never mentioned it to Mr. Patel as he was busy investing money for Kumar. There was a night she had spent in a hospital with a minor head injury, the cause mentioned was a slip on stairs, but she knew it wasn't so. She was more than happy to have Rose with her. The heat of August in Beirut was a good excuse for Mr.Patel and Kumar. She knew behind Rose's 'all being well' exterior loomed a madness.

Masochist -    They have to be cultivated.

Restlessness - Energies that bubble like Lava.

"I haven't been able to make friends Megha and its been like eight months now, I know this is not your first time alone in the world but for me, who never stepped out of his small town, it is." Harish turned and was about to get up when Megha pulled him back on to her, "you have me." 

"Yes and this too was because you..." her fingers stopped his breath, then she kissed the remaining air out of his lungs.

Megha had a brilliant mind, she even excelled in the quiz contests. Her visual memories amazed a lot of people. She had many friends and her alertness was always discussed by the teaching staff.

Harish and she never exchanged any talk in the campus. Harish had managed a part time job from the field visits he had made during the project work of Dr. Morgan.

His restlessness was a great high for Megha, she could feel it in his muscles and his breaths, almost like an addict she had to go to him for her fix. For him his liberty for expressing his desires and being himself without any inhibitions the high.

Memories operates almost differently for all thought Megha, amazed at her father and Arun and how her's operated. Mr. Kumar spoke only when Megha called, mostly for money transfer. Arun's complete stop of letters and calls to her got to her now. She did feel guilty for being angry and agitated when Arun wanted to get close to her and here she was with the releases she felt through Harish. Every act with Harish bought Arun closer to her.

The letter to Sneha was more about this understanding, this need for clarity about her memory than about Arun. Sneha had no clue about Megha and Harish and in her innocence she got in touch with Arun asking him about his wellbeing and letting him know about Megha's concern, obviously she exaggerated. A casual question about Arun's whereabouts was mishandled by Sneha.

She knew she had made a wrong move.

Ignorance - Born from feeling Bad.

Plum - Prunus Mume



Dr. Morgan was fifty-five years old man. His reading glasses were big for his face thought Harish. He sat there in the professor's chamber unsure of the project that he had to complete with Megha.
Six months lost he thought.
"sorry, did you say anything?" Megha asked.
Harish shrugged. "No."
Could she read minds or did he think aloud he thought.
" Anything bothering Harish?" this time Dr. Morgan asked from behind the piles of his books.
"No, just that," he sat gazed, looking at the notes in his hands given by Dr. Morgan.
"yes,"
"just that, hope I generate enthusiasm for this line of work."
"Don't worry, you will, so you and Megha will assist me with the field work and gather as much statistics you both can from manufacturers, distributors and bankers."
Megha left without saying a goodbye, probably she wanted nothing from me thought Harish.

The field work was carried out as messengers would carry out a delivery. The statistics would or would not benefit anyone was a question that often filled Harish's mind.
"Lunch?" asked Megha in one of their field trips.
"No, not hungry."
"You could sit with me, till I have mine."
"I have to finish my reports."

"Will help you later, lets have lunch." She knew he was hungry and after some prodding and provoking he did order a sandwich for himself.

"Tell me about you, where do you come from etc, etc, or whatever you like."
"Nothing much, I'm the only son, my father is a credit manager in a bank who wants to see me heading a branch of a foreign bank one day."

"hmmmmm, you sound like my father before he met my mother."

"what did you say, I could not follow you."
"nothing, just said I come from a luxurious background and my father had a vague idea of where I am."

Later while walking back home he broke the ice for first time and asked,

"are you concerned with what happens with you?"

"No, but right now I want to do this, hence I'm doing this." She went right close to his face and wished him goodnight.

"Belief and questioning go together," said Megha to Dr. Morgan, " right Harish? Till you ask you aren't certain, once you are, you have no questions."
"I may stop asking out of fear too," replied Harish.
"yes, but a true economist only observes, the observation is the conclusion."
"Brilliant Megha." Dr. Morgan smiled.



Restlessness - It has a source.

House - A concept that is overrated.



'Reward and punishment are tools of economics, dealing with the reward or punishment is the science of economics. So much has already been said, written and studied about it. How the living deals with it is what takes the studies further, is what helps remove contradictions from existing theories.'
The auditorium applauded as Megha paused to sip some water.
'Are the stakes solely responsible for cheating? Individual representatives of state or individuals that form government of a country can cheat the summits and the organization they belong to depending on their own individual stake or collective stakes. History has time and again proved how trade unions have cheated the cause they fought for. This aspect of economics forms the greater part of game on the countries where trades decide the future of the strength of their respective currencies. I would like to end my speech with a thought that was inspired by my late grand father - Cheating has to be understood first hand so as to not to become a skeptic. However paradoxical this may sound, it is not so. ThankYou.'

Nottingham school of economics was discussing the Globalization and had invited the students to speak. Megha's speech unnerved a few teachers there, others thought it as a simple need to present contradictory ideas to show oneself off.
Dr. Morgan was impressed and waived Megha to meet her after the session.

Arun harassed Megha for first six months in UK calling her from India and writing letters. She thanked God for Arun's financial condition not allowing him to fly to Nottingham. 
Here she lived in an apartment with three other girls. They would not see each other as all would remain locked in their respective rooms, sometimes bump each other in kitchen and would return back to the room till the one who occupied finished her work in kitchen. One of them was a Chinese and she had her boyfriend in her room all day long. Disgusting she thought and complained about her to their land lady who promised to speak to the Chinese about it.

Harish had a tough time in Nottingham, his financial condition back home made him think even to buy bread which when he converted in rupees seemed very expensive. He would sleep often with a slice of bread and cold water in his stomach. The determination held on his face used to motivate Megha but she use to hesitate to approach him. She knew a smile would end up in affair.

'Mr. Morgan, can I come in?' knocked Megha,
'please do, come in, here sit.'
'thankyou,'
'give me a minute please, we are expecting one more student, would you care for some tea?'
'later, who are we expecting?'
'Harish, you know him, don't you?'


Plum - When it falls the palms must be stretched out.

Thoughts - The dog often chases it's own tail.

The day trip excited Nancy and it showed on Megha too. After a very long time she thought. She had never attended the picnics with her hospital colleagues, always stayed back.

Seasons bring in happiness she thought and every life in it's life must have four seasons. The play of five elements that she read in one of the spiritual books that she had bought for own self had intrigued her.

The sunshine filled the veranda and there was Biji waiting for her, "Biji and and her sandwiches, ready to sail maam,"

shut up, good morning, just give me five minutes and I will be with you."

The drive was halted by many small breaks, some for photographs and some for Megha.

Finally the smell in the air changed, "that is Bakula in the air Nancy, hmmm."

The temple sat on a brick path and the backyard had this huge landscape with a deep valley, the bakula stood proud in the right hand corner, the flowers had weaved a carpet around it.

"Biji this is beautiful, very refreshing, you must have come here before,"

"no, I wanted to but my husband, forget it.... but now I can do and be what I want."

"Megha, stop, don't run fast"

" Mommmma," her small thin voice sang, "look."

"that's a squirrel my child."

Biji had a sweet voice and she could sing too, Nancy too learned a great deal about Biji that afternoon,

she said something that went on repeating in her mind all the way back to house and through the night, "how could God invent eternal, when I live this day, I live because moments aren't eternal, if my husband wouldn't die, I wouldn't be here free."

House - The walls exist on the outside too.

Money - Earn it or marry it.

Kumar could just go back packing anytime. Strongly built with a square face he decided to leave for Brazil instead of leaving back for India. His father had warned him if he did not return back he would severe all relationships with him.

The heat on the streets of Rio was killing and the nights hot. The nights as the day always had people on street participating in something or other. Carnivals he had heard were worse, noisy, loud, bright and colorful. He stopped by the corners absorbing the sound and colors.

Woman walked with clothes clinging to the curves, the heat in their eyes glowed.

"Rose, and you?',

"Kumar, you from India?"

"No Germany, but ancestors yes from India."

"Vacation?",

"yes and a no, with my parents, dad whose on work and my mom attending some circus, me utilising his hard earn."

Her thighs slipped off the stool and the cigarette fell on her linen skirt that barely covered her thighs, she was already drunk. Kumar just managed hold her and got the cigarette before it could make a larger hole.

With the stick between his lips he held her strong and she laughed.

She threw him away and managed to sit back still laughing. The hole in the skirt disgusted her, Kumar's eyes looking at it made her more angry,  she took it off and ran towards the water.

"you up, look outside see how beautiful the morning is Rose, coffee? aspirin?" her mom spoke softly, " your dad was furious last night, but I guess you don't remember any of it, and who is this Kumar, where did you meet him and fall in love with?"

"kumar?, ah, aspirin and some coffee and my cigarettes,"

"no cigarettes, you got some guy with you yesterday night called Kumar, you were semi-naked, drunk, and said that you wanted to marry Kumar then and there, we knew you were drunk and so was Kumar, he sleeps in the next room, your dad checked his passport and some other documents in his back pack, he says Kumar has just finished his MBA in US and at present talking to his parents in India."

"I don't know who this Kumar is mom serious, I need my cigarettes, CIGARETTES PLEASE or I will die now."

"how's she?"

"on sleeping pills as regular, but milder ones today, what did you find of the boy?",

"his father has disowned him, he hung before I could ask him anything."

"the cops said he saved Rose, he seems to be ok to me'"

"I think he is up, will speak to him soon."

Rose was up again by afternoon, feeling heavy with pain all over, she walked up to the corner where her purse hung, she took out a cigarette and lit it.

She walked slowly towards the kitchen, as she passed her father's room she saw him in conversation with a man.

She went near the door and could now hear then discussing Lebanon and the political situation there. Boring she thought and was about to leave when she heard her father calling her.

"Rose?, you ok, come here, sit, you know Kumar, he saved you from drowning yesterday,"

Kumar seemed to look away out somewhere in infinity, not even listening what the old man was saying to Rose.

"whatever dad, I'm going for a swim behind, see you later."

did you eat?, your mom left some eggs and toast for you, she would be back soon,"

"damn."

The love, he felt for her last night intensified with the job offer to run a new office in Lebanon fired Kumar. She was there on her back floating on water, her slim body with her beautiful long legs stopped him in his tracks.

"swim?"

"no, I'm good,"

"smoke?"

"your face is never expressionless, something about you that kills me inside'"

"ha ha ha, never heard that line before, so what did you trade with my dad?"

"my freedom for your hand."

 

Thoughts - Perpetuate on their own

Culture - Break-Away is possible.



The ring did not let Megha sleep, she did not let Sneha sleep. 
"Arun, Arun, Arun, I'm bored Megha, you have told me about his proposal six or five times now, stop it,"
"coffee then?" giggled 
"but aren't you going back to UK to continue your job?"
"no, I'm settling down, I will quit, marry Arun, would have kids, and shop and just chill for the rest of my life."
"I don't like Arun."
"I know, I love him. And I'm twenty-six and I have known him from childhood Sneha."


Megha in her third year graduation had now known Arun from seven years now. Their relationship had seen break- ups and patch-ups. Arun was in the families construction business having left college in second year itself. 
Dominant, rude and brute is what described him. Megha liked and disliked his being hard on himself and others.
Mr. Kumar, Megha's father was in business of semi-precious stones, traveling most of the time with offices in Germany and Libya. He had no blood relatives and few distant friends in Delhi, they hadn't been in touch for years. He still preferred India for Megha than Germany, Libya was out of question, but it was Libya that bought him a lot of money.
Megha was pampered and all her wishes fulfilled before even asked for. At twenty Megha needed no caretaker in the bungalow and she lived all by herself. A river down the road was where she spent most of the time with Sneha talking about traveling the world like her Papa. She had decided to do her post graduation in UK in finance. 
Arun never wanted her to study and this led to many of the fights. 
She wasn't talking to him now rather never, he had forced himself on her and she wasn't ready. She had slapped him and now wanted to leave for UK mid- term. Arun too left for some distant site for work.
"no Papa, I want to study in UK, I am dead sure of it, make it possible for me and when are you coming back?"
"soon..." the phone went dead.



Money - Provides incredible support.

Memories - Knowledge.



The Sacred Heart School was vibrating in excitement. The results of the state-level interschool arts competition were to be announced.
The seniors sat ahead for they were the most tensed, the competition always threw surprise winners and the tension had gripped the auditorium.
The primary grade sat behind, some with their parents. Nancy sat with the first grader Megha in the second last line of the auditorium.
The first four grades took part in the internal school competition amongst the first four grades.
They all  had to wait till the results of the inter-state competition was announced.
The auditorium suddenly went into pin drop silence, the Principle and the arts teacher had taken their place.
The Principle understood that he needed to delay the report, the silence was beautiful.
"The Sacred Heart School my dear students has had an history of excellence, our corridors are now packed with our achievements. There were 257 schools in competition compared to 235 schools last year. Here inside this envelope are the finalist, the runner ups and the winners of the competition. This year our school shall earn a special place in history."

"and Biji she slept the entire afternoon in my lap, the Principle kept talking, reading the prize winning essays and Megha comfortably slept in my laps, ha ha"
"and her painting?"
"she did get two stars for it and tomorrow would be their poetry saying competition in class."
"its too much to include the first three graders in this function, right?"
"we never had all this and yet we produced great artist and scholars, times have changed now, very competitive, ambition driven environment has been pushed to extremes. The other day I was reading Megha the Arjun's story in the Mahabharata , she had so many questions."
"lets take a day trip somewhere, Megha would love it,"
"that's a nice idea, lets do it on Sunday."
"there is a temple some 65 kilometers from here, with a bakula tree, it's very beautiful and in the mornings the ground is covered with fresh flowers fallen from the tree."
"ok, sounds nice."

Culture - It maintains its continuity.

Metaphysics - Men Stray.

"Why don't you stay back here till Monday?"

"Why do men stray, Nancy, I had a bad phase for three years, but with birth of Simi, I was happy again, we bought Nitin back too. Simi and Nitin must have taken away all of time, may be that's when Atul strayed, I have always blamed myself for it, I still am not sure of it, why."

Nancy could not believe on Tuesday that Lata had delayed her flight back on Monday not because of school leaving certificate, that she acquired on Saturday afternoon itself, but because she wanted to open a fixed deposit account in the joint name of hers and Megha in the local bank. Megha now had an fixed deposit maturing after eighteen years of Rupees two lacs, that would be enough to take care of her studies etc, when she would be eighteen.

Nancy sat alone in church that afternoon praying for Lata. Her tears would not stop as the tree that held the strings on which she and Lata used to swing stood still  as if they had never let the girls go outside their shade.

The girls were still there laughing, swinging, singing.

She sat there for a long time.

"Where were you," Biji was stroking Megha to sleep,"she has had her fill and has been washed."

"sorry, got carried away in memories, the child in us may be asleep, but it never leaves, when it wakes up, it never lets us sleep."

Memories - Always zeroes itself to tell you about the child in you.

God - It cannot have roots, it cannot know eternal.

"May be I was a woman caught between a child-me and an adult-me, always, marriage did not break that for me too. Atul was rationalist, pragmatic, me emotional, and Nitin our balance, I say the life was spectacular, the diners, the power play and the new places to visit. But somewhere I was becoming a drifter too, sometimes stubborn, leave me alone became a line that came out of my dreams too. Nitin was shifted to boarding school, I don't how that casual drinking became a regular drinking. So till I sobered boarding school for Nitin was the best, it was tough, real tough. Atul was very supportive, but his travels increased and I wasn't energetic enough to accompany him. A paradise that was once to me that which seemed eternal was a lonely place now. Emptiness, it cannot exist, it consumes you or you consume it."

Megah's cry grounded the three, and they rushed to her room, while Nancy prepared to feed her Biji made some coffee for all. It was nearing 10 pm, " so what time is your flight?" asked Nancy, " I'm not going tonight may be Monday night now, I came for my school leaving certificate and they said or asked me to come on monday now, I'm divorcing Atul next month."

Metaphysics - What is second hand? Love, bliss, emptiness.

Man - Expression of Existence in search of it's own self.


"I don't know why I called Lata for dinner, but now I want you to come too Biji, I can't handle her on my own."
Biji agreed and hung up. 
"auntijee all the potatoes are fine, you need not check," said Ravi, who sold vegetables on the neighborhood, "you can ask all your neighbors about my father, we have provided fresh vegetables and fruits for many years now."
"Have you been to school?" asked Nancy still choosing potatoes irrespective of Ravi's assurances.
"yes, upto seventh grade."
"why did you stop then?"
"I failed thrice."
"So?"
"My father thought he would teach me how to buy and sell vegetables, and I would never fail here."
"Do you want to start again?"
"I don't know, is that it, want some fresh spinach, mangoes too would be coming soon, want me to book some for you?"
"no, no, how much for these, hope they are enough for today's dinner, how much?"

Lata arrived half seven, her face wrenched as if she had already gone through the entire conversation in her mind. 
"this is Biji, and Biji Lata and I shared ten most loving years," Biji was arranging the chairs in verandah, she smiled and asked Lata to sit.
"Biji has been my jacket, God bless her, she has been such a great solid friend to me, very instrumental in bringing me in this quiet and peaceful neighbor."
"Don't bother what she says Lata, she drinks innocence of Megha all day long, what will you have to drink?"
"same as what Nancy has, Megha, ha ha,"
"there she sleeps now, might wake up in an hour."
"a coke or plain soda, anything would be fine, thank you."

"I don't want to be married anymore, I thought to myself, I was in two passionate relationships, and both had their quirks which made me uncomfortable. I wanted to simply run away from Paris." Lata's spoon hung in mid air as she looked lost, " I wanted to run and yet could not turn my back, I remember experiencing psychosomatic morning sickness, fever, rashes and all, then as the day progressed it subsided, the thoughts hid in my work, then in nights they resurfaced again."
"Did you see a doctor, you could be carrying then?" broke in Biji.
"No, surprisingly both couldn't get me pregnant, I don't know why, but yes to think of it , they couldn't. I was overwhelmed to be the bread provider to a painter and a struggling actor, both of them stole or I allowed them to steal my precious years, I was existing just as they were."
"You ok, need some more soda?" asked Nancy, "sssh Nancy," Biji whispered, "then?"
"I met Atul, Atul worked in the Indian Embassy, actually he helped me out, I was detained for carrying some pills that damn actor was addicted too, Atul bailed me out, we became friends and then how it goes, I eventually married Atul and settled, I was happy after a very very long time, Nitin, my first baby in my first year of marriage completed me, and life was full of laughter and traveling etc."


God - It never promises Justice or Revenge.

Body - When not hungry loves to discuss theories.


Question and answers form a large part of growing up. Nancy indulged in a lot of question answer session with Megha, talking to her sometimes while washing clothes too. The gagas and gigis of Megha assured her she hadn't toppled herself on the bed while she cooked or washed.
A small town is often at mercy of rickshaw transport, Nancy did knew a few of them, but when they weren't available, traveling became a tough ask. Rickshaws here could actually take part in Formula One Racing she thought.
As she stood that day with Megha in her hand and an appointment with a child specialist on her wrists who visited town once a week, she found no rickshaws. She cursed herself for not arranging a rickshaw a day before.

Suddenly a car stopped on the other side, she saw someone wave out to her, she couldn't make out who, but the car then moved again to take a U-Turn to come to her. 

It was Lata, her school friend, she had changed, "Nancy?"
"Lata, oh! you, here, when did you come?"
"Come in, sit, where are you going?"
"a child specialist, but you, you carry on wherever you were going,"
"no, sit", she was firm, "I will drop you to the hospital and catch up with you, I would be leaving for France tonight, so come in, lets catch up."

Nancy and Lata had been bench mates in school, shared everything for ten years. Lata then was sent abroad for studies. They did continue writing for five odd years and then stopped, the last letter of Lata informed her of Lata's interest in the ideals of Karl Marx, Lenin etc., and the debates she had in the higher circles. Nancy thought of her being close minded then.

"so, Nancy, how has it been, you look the same, it still seems the summer of 74', and how's your husband? and this, what?

"This is Megha, and you have changed a lot, except your non stop talking,"

Nancy explained about how of and when of Megha, the questions from Lata kept pouring in, and Nancy thought that the traffic had increased or there was something wrong with the driver, he drove the car very slow.
"So are you still in to Marx?"
"Oh, no, not at all, why?"
"Well, your last letter said so,"

"those ideals were discussed over five course meals Nancy, in expensive diners etc., then once I was prisoned in Yogoslavia for three days, because I mentioned something very casually. Those three days of hunger killed all my ideals," and she laughed.

"Giving up something never feels good,"

"Yes, but if there is a huge bonfire lit inside of you, then there is or are no feelings left inside" Lata sighed and continued, "their teachings resulted in violence, while they spoke of peace and equality."

"So now?"

"so now what, married, two great kids, with one expecting, so now a grand kid for me, that's it,"

"and what made you come back here,"
she looked away, "pain, I guess, I could never lie to you, you know that."


Man - It can always see the two ends of all spectrums by default.

Flower - Flowering is a radical transformation. A happening.


Biji was on the floor laughing, splitting up, " it was like 2 am or  somewhere there, and for some reasons I was tired and sleepy," Nancy spoke without being interrupted by Biji's laugh.
"And I'm waiting for her to finish her potty, after a while I guess she did, so I picked her legs up and was cleaning her bums, are you listening and what are you laughing so much, get up, I must've pressed the legs against the stomach, the spurt of creamy that came out was very fast. It took me whole of two hours to clean the bed and put the blankets to wash."
"you should've have called me, next time, hope you don't press her stomach the next time, ok, ok, but just call me."
"Look how the angel sleeps now."
"Oh, I forgot, look these are some clothes of Saina, you could use them," Biji placed the bag in the cupboard, " and I've made some kheer for you, warm it when you have it, ok?"
"Biji, you have been such.."
"when are you joining back?" Biji cut Nancy half way, she knew she couldn't handle a thank you from Nancy,
"soon",
"ok."

For next couple of hours Biji spoke about Saina. Her love was now pouring out in tears. Saina was married and would visit Biji once every two years. She was happy, but Biji missed her the most.
"Children just grow up very fast Nancy and especially daughters, I don't know why or how,"
"I hope and pray to Jesus for this child in every breath of mine, I hope I raise her well."
" You will, we will."


Body - How it supports itself on liquids alone.

Freedom - A spirit Re-Discovered. 


The Shiva temple was very old, a very small door through a dark corridor ended at a bare Shivalinga. 
Moortijee the caretaker was in his seventies, stood tall and was very thin, his diabetese had made him partial blind, but his voice had love that needed no language.
"I know it Amma," he spoke while holding Megha in his thin arms, "even a child has the voice that comes from heart and it can be understood irrespective of the language it speaks," he laughed.
"Come sit," called out Shyamala, Moortijee's wife, "I know you Nancy, I mean I have heard of you, will you have coffee?"
"Me, about me, how?"
"Thats not important, what is, is that you now sit in the boat to sail yourself, till now you left people, hmmmm, mothers on the river banks and went back, for first time you yourself stepped in to the boat," she laughed, " here take your coffee."
"Shyamala is a very old spirit, much much older than this temple too Amma," smiled Moortijee to Nancy,
"devotion is the most important, more than what you are and what you have, it is the spirit that re- discoveres freedom." 

Nancy sat there the whole afternoon quietly, Megha slept too in the chambers of Shyamala.

Their wants were so few thought Nancy as she cooked a light meal and boiled the milk for Megha. 
The peace she felt unnerved her, astounded by the ease of how she handled the few chores of that evening. Her diary waited for her to know all that happened today. 


Flower - When it comes out of earth, one knows nothing here is lost. 

Hinduism - A Bazar of sorts. But the bird here can fly.

"This would be very hard for me Father," Nancy spoke calmly, for the very first time in her life she was in a confession box, dark, cold .

"I would want her to grow as a Hindu, I mean can I?, I pray Jesus gives me strength, and I hope I won't,"

"No, no, my child, The Lord watches your intention, Nancy my child, go home, raise her as a Hindu, The Lord, the compassionate one has chosen you as her angel, go."

Being a nurse, delivering babies and being a parent were very very different, and then she was a single parent.

"you have energies coming in from planet venus," mocked Biji.
Biji had raised three children and was teaching Nancy about how to let Megha cry for atleast 15, 20 minutes before picking her up,  and how to recognize if the cry was because of pain or otherwise.

"It's not like that Biji, you have known me since I started working night shifts in twenties, I could hardly sleep the nights that I was off on, so now its fine if Megha wakes up midnight,"

"I know, I know, so you are learning about Hinduism, I mean all these books there?"

"yes."


Freedom - It never comes or goes.

.... Life - If destruction can be observed, creation has to occur there.

It was Sunday and Nancy wasn't attending her church in a very very long time, in fact never had she missed the Sunday church. She was eager, something she hadn't been in years, she could now bring up baby Number 24 and she had bought a new house. It was built simply and just right for her and the baby, although a little far from the hospital and church, but it needed no further investments.

Her friends and the senior doctors would be coming in very soon for the naming ceremony, but she had already decided to give the baby and the house the same name - Megha.

It was the baby's mother's name and that is all that was known of Megha when she registered her own self for the delivery. The advertisements in all urban and semi-urban cities for Megha's relatives had yielded no results. This small town which had hardly any population had no orphanage too.

So Megha was born in this naming ceremony to understand someday from where had Megha come from.

Hinduism - It can't be a religion.

Birth - was it as subtle as death now looks.

Sister Nancy in her late forties could never sleep the nights. Most of the times she worked the nights, rest she spent in the church. That night Jesus glowed and she cried.

Although she tagged the baby as Number 24, she thought of a name and asked Jesus to take care of her. She had helped delivered more than six thousand babies in the last 20 years of her service, but she knew this one was special.

"Nancy, Nancy," the nurse from the night shift called out as she entered to resume her duties, " that mother of Number of 24 did not survive the night, Dr. Meeta is waiting for you, I have to rush, you know I have to cook the meals for my husband, bye, rush, don't stand there, what's wrong, are you ok?"

"Yes." 

Life - What would define it? Words?

.....FATE - A point of birth to a point of death.

The body shivered as the nurse smiled saying, it's a girl. Wrapping her arms around the new born wet and warm she noted the time down. It was 2.45 am.

"your mother sleeps, you too will get to see her tomorrow" the nurse whispered as she left the labor room and headed to the baby room. She was tagged and the foot prints were taken, with a warm cap that would keep her head warm, she was all set for the world to come

Death - could it be an experience as birth.

Birth - was it as subtle as death now looks.

"and he shouted" she too shouting imitated him while standing on the porch, she was excited and the eyes seemingly would have popped out.

"I was thinking, no, wondering why you never returned my call, so you were with him again, and me Megha..... me, ME?", shouted Sneha,

" I know I'm sorry Sneha, no, I did think, but I was, you understand na?", laughed Megha as she flashed her ring and cried in joy.

She would have died, the ring would have then to go to grave with her, never to be removed by anyone and especially by fate.

FATE