Here comes the evening once again,
Long would be the night,
There would be time of death, just as usual,
I would be cold,
There would be ghosts,
But just like yesterday,
They too would be killed
By chirping birds of dawn,
Candles burning,
Reminds me of me in my morning,
When I was thanking to be alive.

Here comes the evening once again,
Long would be the night.

Love Ends.

Love ends.
Does this sound like the grandfather's paradox?
It does to me because I think Love never ends and neither is hate it's opposite.
We hurt, we cheat, get cheated, lie, say truths, sacrifice or not sacrifice, build us temples and all this once we stumble upon love, once we do, we look or don't look for values, flowers and springs and rings.
Everything that we do, we do after discovering love, so can we go back in time when the love never came into being, but if we did that why would we go back as the love never existed till it came into being.
Love always brings us to a point where we say to ourself we need to do more and there are physical changes that makes us realize us our vulnerability.

So does Love END?

Guilt.

Discovering guilt is difficult or impossible for one's own self. Guilt hides between smiles, tears, arguments, altruism, loyalty, sympathy and self talk.
A change has to make a thing simple, if it does not simply it's not a change, just being different.
Guilt does not require a mental disorder, it leads to one. Being optimistic and being loyal to relentless movements in wonderland are signs of guilt hiding behind unloved parents.
The arrival and departure most of the time go unnoticed. And I now feel sorry for writing this.
  

Trust.

Yesterday I moved because of trust,
today I moved because of trust,
tomorrow I will keep moving because of trust,
I could never handle trust, so I thank trust for handling me...from ashes to ashes.

The Story Of A Nerve.

I had a nerve,
The nerve activated
the self preservation
mechanism,
The nerve was destructive too,
Suicidal and crazy,
'Why me?' thinking to
the nerve, which knew
nothing of feelings.
I stopped asking.
I had to keep trusting it
though,
it was fatal and
I was on a theory.
I hid myself, it made me, or not.
I tried numbing,
it made me, or not.
Either nerve made everything a nothing,
Or just a mess in my brain.
The nerve tried saving me, it did.

HOPE.

I have always thought hope is not the answer to what I wanted, desired in my life. I was right because that hope existed in the field of time.
I though I can't think of me living without hope, maybe it's a default conditioning but this hope prisoned by time oftentimes caused or bought me in hopeless situation.
Today I looked at this default conditioning in me of hope outside the field of time and saw it as the seed of happiness. A position that we can hold in our minds in our living life, which held a promise and may be an ample supply of dopamine to provide the high to live the human life without pills or drugs or faith or an after life.
So we aren't able to and can never uncondition ourselves from hope but where we place it in our mind makes a lot of difference to our living.

Philosophies Evolve, Just as Monkeys Did.

What causes the cause of a disease? Genetics?

"You are a product of your conditioning." aren't we told this always. Then there are genes that humans inherit from which they are born from.

I understand this because of the position of geography that I have been born in. Would I be what I am if was born in an extreme environment such as Amazon or  a Mongolia or an Iceland etc etc.

Thus what I experience, what I write is because of where I was born. Thus whatever are the emotions that I grow in, is what shapes my mind. What then is the true nature of human beings on this planet, it's biological existence isolated by emotions; or to understand diseases like cancer through emotions that humans experience no matter what part of geography influences their conditioning.

I see a social need in me, this blog and what I write here is a proof of that. I see a conditioning in me, that drives me, and parts of me wanting to be free from it, struggling to teach me, to prove that I am not useless to me. to society and that value is in contribution.

Is there where a mind body dichotomy is born or is it born when you are under anesthesia and you know that you are under anesthesia and being operated upon. This is not mystical, nor subjective, it is objective and as for you to know this you have to be under a scissor of a surgeon.

The philosophies will evolve, just as the monkey evolved, and if you weren't a primate before and now; then you had to be God, both still required a cause or the cessation of cause.

RELATIONSHIPS.

The starting point of a relationship is a distinct moment, that moment freezes in time and space and memory and is mystically eternal. The most influential relationship is that, that a human body has one with an emotions that flows through it.
Whatever may the emotions, the entire range, clings on to our bodies physically and we become that emotion through our actions.

I too have been presented a goal to me, a relationship in my mind to a goal of 'waking up to a reality'. Reality and its definitions have been documented by human minds that were the results of the relationship that a particular mind had with the goal to 'wake up to the reality'.
Evidence based existence has a starting point, a distinct moment and many are understood now but a lot are mystical in nature Still.

Relationship is a stimulant, a high, and also fear inducers, they relieve stress and also are the reasons for one. We have relationships with people, nature, drugs, productivity, pain, power... the list is endless now and there billions of books studying these. Addictions to have/establish relationships that are strong, there are those who renounce and establish an illusionary self, sit all alone and be in relationship with that split self, call it meditation etc etc.

Relationships offer the most primary basic need of us - to be rewarded or to be punished, thus resulting in addictive behaviors wired in the brain. 

An Act Of Learning.

I see no responsibility towards a world, that seems to exist outside of me, in this world violence is reported to me on a daily basis, some acts of generosity or some one called a hero for what it achieved are observed too. All these dangers are of very little value to me, till my little possessions are attacked. Thus what exists is fear and not responsibility.

I see no responsibility towards me, what exists is fear, fear of a total loss, loss of harmony that I strive to make through making my living a productive life.

There are desires, some contradict each other, some make me focused and few others distract. I examine, watch, deduce, add, subtract and trade my pasts to a future. I understand or fail to understand the patches of memories available to analyze by myself or by a friend or by an expert.

Responsibility thus is a serious matter, where I have never put any thoughts or observed it critically.
For once I asked myself, if I really did feel responsible, and the answer came back to me as NO.
How do I thus truly become responsible for my own self, without fear, without an image, without questions?
I don't want to bring it about in me. I don't want it as a desire and I don't want it because of some delusions either. 

Anger, jealousy, brutality and I measuring myself against someone else, against strangers who I will never meet or interact, are all tricks that play around my mind, thus making my mind a violent place to be in, with condemning, justifying and all other activities that go with identification.

A friend, a very dear friend to me always told me, I had problems with naming, I knew what it was, I identified, but fell short of naming it. I never corrected him, I did not feel responsible too. I let it be as act of learning.

I thus would let this conflict in me remain as an act of learning. Learn about me, myself and wait (if) till responsibility dawns on me.