An Act Of Learning.

I see no responsibility towards a world, that seems to exist outside of me, in this world violence is reported to me on a daily basis, some acts of generosity or some one called a hero for what it achieved are observed too. All these dangers are of very little value to me, till my little possessions are attacked. Thus what exists is fear and not responsibility.

I see no responsibility towards me, what exists is fear, fear of a total loss, loss of harmony that I strive to make through making my living a productive life.

There are desires, some contradict each other, some make me focused and few others distract. I examine, watch, deduce, add, subtract and trade my pasts to a future. I understand or fail to understand the patches of memories available to analyze by myself or by a friend or by an expert.

Responsibility thus is a serious matter, where I have never put any thoughts or observed it critically.
For once I asked myself, if I really did feel responsible, and the answer came back to me as NO.
How do I thus truly become responsible for my own self, without fear, without an image, without questions?
I don't want to bring it about in me. I don't want it as a desire and I don't want it because of some delusions either. 

Anger, jealousy, brutality and I measuring myself against someone else, against strangers who I will never meet or interact, are all tricks that play around my mind, thus making my mind a violent place to be in, with condemning, justifying and all other activities that go with identification.

A friend, a very dear friend to me always told me, I had problems with naming, I knew what it was, I identified, but fell short of naming it. I never corrected him, I did not feel responsible too. I let it be as act of learning.

I thus would let this conflict in me remain as an act of learning. Learn about me, myself and wait (if) till responsibility dawns on me.